Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Nicole and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Date

Men beware.  Like the illustrious Taylor Swift once said: “If guys don’t want me to write songs about them, they shouldn’t do bad things!" and the same goes for my bloggy blog (as I affectionately call it).  I don't mean it as a threat, but there's really no reason to be a complete and total asshat and think you can get away with it.

My plan is to list out my worst dating experiences (no names because I'm nice-ish) and then I will elaborate as time goes on about each one.  I also know that this list isn't nearly long enough because my memory stinks, so as I recall more and more idiotic things guys have done I will add them. 

 Nobody knows the stupidity I've seen, but they're about to:
  • Boyfriend who wouldn't let me attend fraternity mixers (or really any party) my freshman year
  • Boyfriend who ignored my phone calls and texts for over a week before finally coming out and saying he wanted to break up. 
  • Boyfriend who paid for two dates (birthday and Valentine's) total in our entire year-long relationship
  • Boyfriend who had a relationship on the side while he was away at school
  • Guy who would only allow me to come over if his roommates weren't there (I figured that one out quick)
  • Guy who didn't remember me at a party a year after we had dated
  • Guy who got so drunk on our date I feared for my life on the drive home
  • Guy who drove way too fast on a dirt road and popped a tire...on our second date.  In 100 degree weather.  In the middle of nowhere.
  • Guy who told me he wanted to be with me and to leave my boyfriend, and then left me after I did.
  • Guy (who I had been dating) who drunkenly entered my apartment after my roommate had left the door unlocked at three in the morning. 
  • The "hot and cold" guy (There's a lot of these so it's just a type.  He wants to hang out constantly for a couple days and then a week goes by with no contact.  Then it's another couple of days of consistency, then nothing.  He may ignore calls and texts too, but all of a sudden the tables turn and for a couple of days your phone is blowing up.  Then it's silent again.  Games suck, dude.  You either want me or you don't.)
  • Guy who was in love with me after one night.  Seriously.  He talked about "love languages."  No sir, no way.
  • Guy who was in love with me and wanted to "do anything to make us work" after meeting in online dating and talking for a couple of days.  He was blocked.
  • Guy who was so terrified of germs he made me use hand sanitizer after washing my hands in the bathroom before dinner.  Then when the menu touched his fork he asked if he could have mine.  He was also obsessed with the number 11.
  • Guy who had the audacity to show me a picture of his wife and children while out and about downtown and openly flirting with me.
  • And speaking of infidelity: guy who showed me the condo that he had purchased...with his fiance!
  • Guy who told me to meet him at the beach for the weekend with my friends, and then never showed up because he was too wasted to make it

I know there are many more that my little head just can't remember right now.  Please feel free to share your own terrible dating experience!  I wonder if guys have similar lists because I know for sure I'm not a saint when it comes to dating.  I'm definitely guilty of avoiding a guy's calls and texts because I didn't like him but didn't know how to tell him.  I feel bad about it, but maybe that all boils down to the whole "I'm awkward and don't know how to read people's feelings" factor."


  1. I have one:

    Guy who, while cute was a little creepy, but I decided to go on a date with anyway. We meet at his apartment to go have lunch at Red Lobster before I have to go to work in the afternoon. I notice that he is shaking, so over our lunch he tells me that he has early-onset Parkinson's Disease. Holy crap. He then proceeds to shake so violently that he cannot use a fork, so he eats his Captain's Platter with his hands. I can overlook this, wow, what a serious, awful thing. We then go back to his place so I can get my car, where he introduces me to his cats (yes, plural, he has 4 or 5) and asks me to call into work so that we can "take a nap with the kitties." I politely decline, and ignore his phone calls for the next day. Yep, calls. He called like 6 times.
    We were doing a show together, so the next night, he doesn't show up to rehearsal. Weird. Then, an hour later he does show up, drunk as a coot in a bathrobe. No kidding. My friends realize that he needs a ride home, which they give him and he cries to them about how rejected he feels by someone he thought was the love of his life. Turns out, that's me.
    I tell him I'm not that interested, but I'd love to be his friend. (Only because he is ill, we're doing a show together, and I'm a generally nice person.)
    Flash forward to the closing of the show. We have a blowout cast party, during which he drinks entirely too much (surprise!). He is in the room with everyone, but is in a corner, listening to the conversation, but not really engaging. We all start talking about what we want to do, and how we plan to get there when he says, "It's OK. I want to be a Youth Minister and I just came down off a three-day coke binge." Yes. Seriously. Turns out the whole time that he was having withdrawls from cocaine. Whew.

  2. Chels, omigosh! That is seriously a date from hell. And what's with the lying? Creepy, liar, drug addicted? All of those get a resounding NO! I'm glad you dodged that one and found the hubs :) And a show??! I didn't know you did shows! What kind of show?