Tuesday, August 17, 2010


When people ask about my love life, and they do (and I don't know why because I hate it), my answer depends on the person asking.  My grandma likes to ask me this question because I think she's terrified that no one from our family will ever produce offspring and therefore our family won't continue to be.  Luckily for her there's this little thing I like to call "Oops" or "Oh, look!  Two lines..." and between my dozen or so cousins and I (though obviously not together.  We originally hail from Arkansas, but we are all college educated and not Arkansans) one is bound to happen [This blog post feels really awkward.]

So anyway if my grandma asks I usually say something like "Oh I'm not seeing anyone special," unless of course, I am and then my response is, "_____ is my wonderful boyfriend and we're so happy together!"  She then asks is he's "The One" and I have to help her to realize that although she had had five bouncing babies by the time she was 23, I don't plan on marriage for a long time.

The family friend asking about my love life is given a much more realistic answer.  I can talk to the family friend pretty openly since generally I've known them since I was a child, and now we drink together.  It just makes sense.  It's like a parent without the parenting...so just fun and they give me money for birthdays and graduations.  But to them I honestly say, "It's crazy.  It's out of control.  I have no clue.  Do you want another drink?  I sure do! [cue quick exit to the bar]"

My love life is crazy and I think I've narrowed it down to the exact reason why: I am so bad at figuring out what others are feeling by their facial expressions, body language, language in general, texting behaviors--pretty much every form of communication out there.  Obviously this translates into me being extremely awkward (which I am) and doing really stupid things (like texting that guy 5 times after he ignored the first 5 texts).  I generally run my texts and or phone call conversations by a friend or two to make sure I'm not being  a fumbling idiot, but sometimes I'm impatient and I want to know now.  Then I look stupid.  It's a vicious cycle-- Text dude --> No Answer --> Consult Friend --> She says DO NOT TEXT until he does --> I text anyway --> No answer.  This is the same with phone calls.  God, help me.  Someone, help me!

Oh!  And this amazing blog that I've been obsessed with for quite some time now has a section that's like "Dear Abby" except it's answered by an awesome lesbian named Amy.  Her recent advice had this little doozy on it that sent my head spinning: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, guys don’t play hard to get.

I don't even know why I didn't think of that before!  My next move in my so called "crazy" love life is to take no action.  If guys seriously don't play hard to get, then if they are interested they'll call me or text me or jump my bones.  Whatevs.  I'm done with dudes.  At least with the whole texting/calling thing.  Oh, and I'm still really confused.

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