Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Date from Hell

Do you remember my post last week about some of the worst dating experiences I've ever encountered.  Here's the full story of the "guy who got so drunk on our date I feared for my life on the drive home."

I met Tyler* while working at a tanning place my second year of college.  It was an easy job and I had a nice glow year round.  (I know tanning is bad.  I don't do it anymore.)  Tyler was a regular tanner.  He came at the same time everyday and used the stand up "bed."  My first clue that this guy royally sucked should have been the fact that he tanned at all.  Ahhhhh naïveté... 

Tyler was older than I was by about 5 years, but he seemed like a nice enough guy so when he asked me out on a date I said sure!  [Note to guys: unless a girl is taken or is utterly disgusted by you, it's unlikely she'll turn you down for a date]  From the get-go it was a disaster.

He picked me up from my sorority house and was flabbergasted by how big the house was.  Granted my sorority house is big and is really beautiful.  It's an historical home and furnished beautifully, but the way he was commenting on everything made me feel extremely uncomfortable.  Complimenting a home by saying, "your home is stunning/beautiful/lovely/"whatever nicety you use" is perfectly acceptable.  Saying, "Damn!  Your house is huge.  I gotta take a piss."...not so much. 

After Tyler took his "piss" we headed out on our date.  Being the gentleman that he obviously was, he opened my door and closed it.  He closed it because there was no door handle on the inside of the passenger door.  I could overlook that though.  Not everyone has a nice car or even a car, so door handle, schmoor handle.  Who needs it!

He let me know we were going to play pool at Slick Willies and then go to his favorite restaurant for dinner.  The restaurant was to be a surprise.  Playing pool was uneventful and even a little enjoyable.  I learned that Tyler was a vet from the war in Iraq and he was attending classes at a nearby university while also trying to make it on their baseball team.  Patriotic, scholarly, athletic...all great qualities.  So far, so good-ish.  I still wasn't over the "piss" comment.  I really detest that word.

Our next stop was his favorite restaurant, Pappasito's Cantina.  When we walked up it was obviously packed and we were told the wait was 45 minutes.  [If you recall, I'm really weird about getting hungry and will get angry/sad when I have to wait too long for food.  (I'm such a fat kid...)]  It had been a while since I had last eaten (pre-date jitters) so I was starving.  I suggested we go across the highway to Carrabba's Italian Grill and he begrudgingly complied. 

But first he needed to take another "piss."  Strangely, Tyler wasn't able (or willing) to go at the restaurant we were currently at nor could he wait until we arrived at the restaurant directly across the highway.  He wanted to go to his apartment up the road.  Sirens were going off in my head, but I was trapped not only on this date but by his car as well because of the severe lack of door handle.  We arrived at his apartment and he asked if I wanted to come in.  Apprehensively, I agreed but told myself I would would stay in the living room and not go any further.  (STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!)

Tyler's apartment smelled like cat litter.  He didn't have a cat.  It was really dirty and the 70s had thrown up all over his decor.  I waited in the entry while he went to the bathroom.  After waiting for what seemed like forever, he still hadn't emerged but called me back to his bedroom.  Reluctantly, I went but stayed in the doorway.  He was sitting on his water-bed motioning for me to come see something he had and I obliged because I didn't want to seem rude or creeped out by him.  I was very creeped out.  There was a water-bed.  He showed me some shadow box that I truly could not have cared less about.  I just wanted out of that place!  He then pulled me in to kiss me and I pulled away saying, "Alright, why don't we go to the restaurant now?"  Again, he begrudgingly complied.

At that point, I was done with the date and would have happily gone home.  That didn't happen.  We went to Carrabba's and were seated.  I looked at my menu, but Tyler was more interested in the cocktail menu.  I ordered my entree and he ordered Jäger Bombs.  Too bad for him, they didn't have Red Bull.  Not surprisingly he was fine with straight Jägermeister.  I was so embarrassed.  I ate my meal quickly so that I could get out of that situation as soon as possible.  I half expected to pay for my portion, but Tyler paid for my dinner as well as his shots.

We left the restaurant and started driving back towards campus (or so I thought).  He started to take the U-turn to head back to his apartment.  I not-so-calmly asked where we were going and he said, "We're going back to my place to watch a movie."  I quickly corrected him before he could make the turn and demanded he take me home.  Tyler seemed really angry about this, and the Jägermeister in his system probably didn't help his mood.  He began to swerve while we were on the upper deck of the highway.  I was so scared because I realized he was drunk and I was literally trapped in his car.  I started thinking about what would happen if we crashed.  What if I died?  People would think I was dating this fool!  I was so repulsed and terrified at the same time, and I had no idea what to do. 

Miraculously, I made it back to my sorority house in one piece.  Tyler tried to kiss me again.  I backed away again.  He didn't walk me to the door and thankfully, I never heard from that poor excuse for a man ever again.

*Name has been changed (even though he deserves to be shamed for his behavior)

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