Monday, October 18, 2010

I miss my Daddy

Today I'm really missing my dad.  He died four years ago and every once in a while I get sad about it.  I just start thinking of him and how I wish he could be here to experience my life with me, to see me growing up and becoming an adult (even if I'm not very good at being an adult).  I get sad because he'll never walk me down the aisle, or see his grandkids, or meet (and scare) my future husband.  And then, especially around this time of year, I get sad because I go to Michigan and hang out with the Kennedy family, and he's not there to enjoy it and eat all the good food and be there for the funny conversations and big hugs and family love.

I know I'm not the only one that misses him.  I try to be strong for everyone else.  People look to me as the last piece of him, and while I know it's not required, I try to be that person for them.  I try to call and connect with people he was close to, but it's a really tough, time consuming job and I don't know that I was ready for the job at 19.  I've lost touch with a lot of his friends and I don't call my family members nearly enough.  I think I got tired of hearing everyone say they missed my dad or that he was such a great guy, that they can't believe he's gone.  I think I got tired of having the same conversation that I never wanted to be a part of. 

I'm glad I look like my dad.  I've got my mom's eyes and facial structure, but my nose and lips are from my daddy.  My curly hair is from my daddy too.  I hope to one day pass on my curly hair and nose and lips to a handsome young boy and see him grow up to look like his grandpa.  He'll probably be named Robert, like my dad.

I really miss him, but I know if I have to have a guardian angel, a dad is the best angel you could have looking out for you.

1 comment: