I'm feeling a lot better and I'm in a much better place since Tuesday night. It still hurts to know that our relationship is over, and I know that most of that hurt is from the abrupt ending and lack of closure, but I'm trying my best to move on and stay positive. I'm pretty good at seeing the positives in a situation, and I do, but that doesn't make the hurting just stop.
My friends have been doing an amazing job of making me feel loved and taking my mind off the situation. And they're there to hash everything out and go over the details when I want to and give me the reassurance that I need right now. I'm feeling vulnerable. They're helping me pick up the pieces.
But I know that you can't make a person love you and I have to keep telling myself that. The crying has mostly stopped. The pain is still there and sometimes it really does feel like there's a part of me missing. This was the first relationship that I was in that I fell hard and fast and I couldn't help but put his happiness above mine. I thought he was perfect for me. I've never felt so committed to anyone as I was with him. He made me happy just being around him. And I miss him.
I've had this thought in the back of my head that maybe we'll get back together, but we could never do that. His actions, the way that he ended it with a lack of emotion or care for me, make me realize a major character flaw. I still think he's a wonderful person, but I could never trust him with my heart again. And that really makes me sad.
This weekend will be really good for me. Tonight I'm going out with friends to dance and drink. A lot. Tomorrow I'll wake up late and maybe go shopping before heading to yoga with some friends. Kacie, one of my closest girlfriends, has her birthday party tomorrow night at a restaurant that is probably amazing. She throws some of the best parties and is so thoughtful to the people invited, atmosphere, and of course, food. I'm looking forward to it. Sunday will be a run in the morning and then yoga with Jill. She's incredible and I'm so looking forward to zenning out with her. I need to keep myself busy to move on, and I'm doing just that.