Why do I constantly feel so emotional? I feel like something is wrong with me. Do other people constantly feel like they're trying too hard?
I generally feel comfortable in any social situation I'm in, but lately I've felt really insecure, even around close friends. Like something I'll say will make them not like me anymore. I know it's probably untrue, because if they're my friends a stupid, awkward comment won't make them dislike me, but for some reason I find myself second guessing the things I do and say around everyone.
And that's just it. I feel awkward. Something is missing in my life and I think it's love.
I have so much love to give. And I am so much better at loving people than hating or even simply liking a person. Love is who I am and it is what I feel on a daily basis. But I'm ready for something deeper.
I came to the realization the other day that I have been single for almost a year and a half now. That's more time than my last relationship lasted. And it was a great relationship, but lately I find myself missing him. And I think I'm missing the idea of him moreso than actually missing him, which I know isn't where I need to be if I do truly want a relationship. I know that I need to be comfortable and secure with being me, by myself, no strings attach before I can be ready to give myself to a relationship, but I was there at least six months ago and my dream man wasn't there waiting for me at the end of my "Ready for a Relationship" tunnel.
I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of not feeling pretty. I'm tired of not being told I'm pretty and not being adored by a man who loves me and wants to be with me. I'm tired of meeting guys who I'm not interested in at all. And I'm tired of giving them a chance because maybe I'm just not seeing something.
What is wrong with me? Am I broken?
I really hate being this emotional person. I hate whining and I hate complaining, but this is where I am right now. Alone. And whining and complaining about it.