Thursday, April 21, 2011

"It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live"

I never thought I'd be where I am right now struggling to pay my bills, living on my own, dating and not married.  I had this perfect vision of my life that I'd carried with me throughout high school and college.  In fact, when I was in high school our teacher my junior year had us write a letter to our future self outlining the dreams and aspirations we had five years down the road.  And in my letter?
  • college degree
  • married
  • living in my own house
  • great job
  • maybe kids
That's obviously not the case now.  Currently I'm
  • a college graduate
  • single
  • renting an apartment with a roommate
  • great job, but I have to get a second one to cover my bills
  • four-legged child
So I'm 1 for 4.  I'm not happy where I am now, but I'm not too upset about it either.  I would say I'm more complacent.  I enjoy my life.  I have a wonderful group of friends, and while they have no idea what I'm really going through, I know that they're supportive of me.  I also really love my job and the people I work with.  I've been given wonderful opportunities at work and the doors keep opening for me to continue to do more.  That is such a blessing.  And I've dated great guys, but it's never worked out.  We either grow apart or, all too often, live apart.  I like a guy right now so much, but he lives in a different city.  I don't see how a relationship can blossom when I see the dude once a month, if that.  Plus, after my last relationship I told myself I'd never be in another long distance relationship.  This is never where I saw myself when I was the idealistic, carefree high school and college student.

I think I need to get out of this rut I'm in.  A big help would be to decrease the stress level, and that will come with a second job.  When I'm not constantly stressing over my money situation and having to borrow from my mom, I'll feel more independent.  Right now there's a tether continuing to hold me to my parents because I have to rely on them for gas, groceries and care for my dog.  I also think going to church more than once a month would be a big improvement on my attitude.  Church makes me happy.  Art also makes me happy whether I'm creating or enjoying it.  And singing!  Singing probably makes me the most happy.  I sing to my deaf dog all the time.  He loves it.  I swear.

Wish me luck on my job hunt for a second job!  It'll only be part time.  I'm thinking either bartending or working at a boutique.  It doesn't really matter what it is as long as this girl makes some money!  And fast!

[Quote from the late, great Albus Dumbledore; photos from We Heart It]

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