Changes

Do you ever come to a realization about something and realize your life will never, ever be the same ever again if you act on that realization?  I did.  Today.  Well actually, it all culminated today, but I've been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now and sort of getting opinions from friends and my mom.

I don't like the person I am right now on the surface.  I don't like what I perceive people perceive of me.  I know there needs to be a change in a big way and I'm going to have to pull on some big girl pants and get to it.

There are certain things that I want in life more than anything else, and I'm finally at a point where I think I can get these things if I just start living my life the way I know I need to live it.

A couple of things:

1.  I need to start going back to church.  To my church.  To Lake Hills Church where I felt so comforted by God's word every Sunday and met so many beautiful, inspiring, wonderful women who ultimately, though through my own thoughts and prayers, are the reason I am returning to my church.  I still cannot get on board with thinking homosexuality is a sin, but hopefully I can help others to realize the hypocrisy in this thinking.  Church grounded me for the week and reminded me why I was here on this Earth, and I'd like that again.

2.  Running makes me ridiculously happy and I need to do it more often.  I need to do it more often because I'm tired of feeling like there's too much on my body.  I'm sure that sounds weird, but when I see myself in the mirror I don't think "ew, disgusting, you're fat, lose weight."  It's honestly not a bad visual if I do say so myself.  But it's the feeling of this much weight on my body that drags me down.  I can especially feel this when exercising.  I cannot run as fast or as far until I lose some weight.  My early 20s will hitherto be known as "Nicole's Fat Phase."  Also, check out my other blog!  http://townlakeiphonepics.blogspot.com/  (I get bored easily.)

3.  I miss love.  Sure, I love my friends and family and my precious, sweet, angel-puppy more than anything and I know that I am very loved, but I miss being in love.  I miss the feeling when your man calls you and you're so giddy with excitement before, during, and after the conversation and you smile so big it feels like your mouth is going to explode and you just can't contain the feeling you're feeling and you want everyone to know how fabulous your special guy is.  And when you touch there feels like there are literal sparks flying from every part of your body and you can't get enough of each other and constantly want to be together, even if it's just laying in a field not saying anything, as long as you're with that person everything is perfect.  That's what I want. 

4.  I need to read more and not just blogs and websites but real, tangible books!  My mind needs some stimulation other than from a computer screen.  I miss college, and most of all I miss the intellectual discussions I had in college.  I miss reading a couple of chapters (or an entire book if it was that sort of professor) and then talking about them with my peers, picking apart each and every detail until I had a grasp on an entirely new concept the author tried to convey that I would never have noticed on my own.  I especially love philosophical talks and discussing the what ifs, how comes and the whys.  I think that is probably my favorite question.  Why?  [Sidenote: I love that "why" and "because" are basically the same word in Spanish, because I have this mental image of a Mexican man and woman having the following exchange: Por que?  Porque.  Por que?  Porque!  Por que?  PORQUE!!  And scene.]

5.  I really need to be better about staying in touch with friends, especially the ones who have made an impact on my life and helped to mold me into who I am today.  What's funny is I bet some of my friends have no idea just how big of an impact they may have had on me.  (HB, You taught me a life lesson in Vegas and I'm sorry that you had to be the one to do it and that it affected our relationship, but I am so thankful for you and for that experience because I know I am a better friend and a better person because of it.)  Some of my friends that I haven't even been that close to have been so inspiring with how they live their lives that it makes me strive to be a better person.

So those are the big 5 things that have been weighing heavily on my mind lately, and that ultimately, if I decide to follow this path, will lead me to my happy place.  I'm not there right now.  Like I said, I know the changes I have to make, but making them is the hard part.  Responsibility is the hard part, although sometimes responsibility can be fun!  Right?  Right?!  I'm going to go with yes.

And I love 2pac...

Check out my new haircut!

Ok, I haven't actually had a haircut, but I'm thinking about getting one and getting a completely new hairstyle to boot!

It's no secret that Elisha Cuthbert is my #2 girl crush (with Britney obvs being #1....duh.) so I looked to her google image search for some inspiration.  (Brit Brit's shaved head and/or extensions just won't cut it.  Ha!  See what I did there?)  Maybe if I get my hair my hair cut like hers I'll take sexy, minimal clothing photo shoots like she does too!  Probably not.

Without futher ado, here are the three styles I'm thinking about:

Long hair, soft bangs, more layers

For the first option I would keep my length and get bangs and layers cut in to increase the body and wave of my hair.  I think this cut is sexy and reminds me of my favorite haircut ever that I had in 2006.

Ignore my awk expression, just focus on the hair

Short cut with bangs

 The second option requires me cutting about 8-10 inches off my hair and might be better for the summer season.  I also haven't had short hair this short since 7th grade, and that was when a boy asked me if I was a boy or a girl during basketball tryouts.  Traumatizing.  Hopefully I look more like a lady nowadays what with puberty being an ancient memory at this point.

Shoulder length with bangs, minimal layers

The third option would require about 3-5 inches off and for me to straighten my hair regularly.  I may be too lazy for this option...  Maybe I could add more layers and wear it curly?

So those are the options!  Let me know via the poll at the top of the page which hairstyle you think I'd look best in!

[Photos courtesy of pageantrymagazine.com, thehairstyler.com & midgarmods.insanejournal.com]

A New Campaign

I can't be the only one.  Every girl does it at some point or another, and we all start at different times.  Sometimes there is a guy involved, sometimes there isn't and sometimes the girl is waiting for the right guy (or girl) to come along until she starts.  That's right....I'm talking about WEDDING PLANNING!!

What is absolutely wonderful about my obsession is that when the time comes my wedding will be a breeze to execute since I've made plans for three different weddings depending on the time of year I get married.  No, I don't have a fiance nor a boyfriend.  I'm not even seriously dating anyone.  It's just that I. Love. Weddings.

So that said, I'd like to start a new campaign.  It's not a "Get Nicole Hitched" thing or anything like that.  No-no, my friends.  I would like to formally announce my campaign for

T-Pain 4 ROH

He is the perfect musician with his auto-tuned tunes titillating my ears in car rides, on runs around the lake, at parties...he is The Man.  The first time I heard the melodic voice of my future Rapper of Honor was his hit about his fascination with the girl of his dreams: I'm N Luv (Wit a Stripper).  Great song to dance to at frat parties, believe you me.  That gem was followed by his #1 hit "Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin).  Another great song to dance to with the new found gentlemen-friend you met at a frat party.

Of course, it wasn't until his out-of-this-world-blow-your-mind collaboration with the lovely boys of The Lonely Island that I truly fell in love with his musical talents.  "I'm on a Boat" is the song of our generation.  Hearing it instantly brings you back to that time that you were on a boat (and probably drinking excessively, slurring your rendition with all your friends making memories you'll never remember).  It was about the 37th time hearing said song that I came to the realization: T-Pain would throw the most bomb bachelorette party ever.

And we both have grillz.

 

I look forward to you joining me in my campaign and hopefully (for the love of all that is sacred in this world) when I get married we'll be rocking out with my ROH!!  Look for "T-Pain 4 ROH" meeting times and campaign updates in the near future (as soon as my campaign manager gets back from vacation.)

[Image courtesy of contactmusic.com]

Master Cleanse, Day 1...again

I'm doing it again!  It's my first day of the Master Cleanse for the second time and I'm feeling pretty similar to the first time--a little light-headed and weak.  Kickball should be interesting tomorrow...

I started the day off with some Detox tea that I took last time and I've been steadily drinking my lime/agave/cayenne concoction since I got to work.  For lunch I had a cup of orange flavored tea.  That's quelling the hunger pains pretty well.

My goals this go-a-round are obviously to cleanse my body of the toxins I put into it on a daily basis and to neutralize my palette once more so that I'm not so addicted to dairy products and sweets.  Since I'm lactose intolerant this is a very good thing for my stomach, and the sweets, as everyone knows, are incredible unhealthy anyway. 

Last time I lost 20 pounds and gained back 10, which is supposed to be right on target and pretty normal.  I lasted 6 or 7 days (I don't recall off the top of my head) and I hoping to last at least 10 days this time.  I also need to get in gear for my friends' wedding because it'll be here sooner than we know it and I'd like to comfortably, not snugly, fit into my dress.  I think 20 pounds or so will do the trick and if I lose 10 with the cleanse then I can lose a pound or two a month until June and be good to go!

I already miss chewing...

Funny little coincidence: The Master Cleanse usually doesn't get into the news but some actor named Blair Underwood recently did the cleanse for some quick weight loss. 

Goals/Annoyances/UGHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'm in such a weird, moody, angsty place right now, per usual, and I need to work it out.  (Oh, hey there therapist I can't afford....)

Nicole's Goals for the rest of 2010:
1.  Find passion:  I have nothing I'm passionate about.  My roommate loves exercising and doing races.  My mom likes making her dream of becoming a CPA come true...and football.  My step-dad loves golf.  My ex-boyfrand loves hunting.  My best friend loves cats and pretty pictures.  Another bff likes the NRA and theme parties.  And yet another likes domesticity.  And I....I like....?  My dog?  People liking me?  Eating?  Yeah, none of those sound good.

I used to love dancing.  I still like dancing, but I've lost all flexibility and frankly, I don't feel like spending $50 a week to realize I've lost all the skills I worked so hard to perfect throughout high school.  I love to cook, but food is so damn expensive and when a woman's got billz to pay ain't no sense in spending $10 on a ingredient from Whole Foods to create the perfect dish.  I really want running to be my passion because it's free and my dog likes it, and it would give me endorphins which is basically like Cymbalta except there are no side effects save for the occasional strained muscle.

When I was in Florida I was passionate about Jesus Christ (Hallelujah!), singing, and working for the non-profit.  Now that I'm back in Texas I don't go to church because I think my church is hypocritical and I just can't get on board with people who are totes cool with hanging with homeless people, but gays are sinners.  Well screw you too, dude!  Now I'm not a lesbian, but sometimes I want to be.  Guys are such pricks sometimes!  I constantly wonder if I'm ever going to find the love of my life, or if I'll just end up settling for some homeless dude I met at church because it's time to make babies.  (Good thing I don't go to church.)

Wow, off topic much?

2.  Make more money: Did you know that money makes the world go round?  It's not love and sure as hell isn't friends.  It's money.  You have to have money to do anything you want.  Let's say I become passionate about running, as is the plan.  I then want to sign up for a race.  Did you know marathons cost like $100-something?!?!  Yeah, they do.  And there's the training groups, the running shoes and the surprise costs of anything you ever do ever...like happy hour with your training group!  I really want to run a marathon.  Real bad.  Really, really bad.  It's actually very hard for me to get my ass of the couch and run.  I think I've done it once since living at my apartment TWO BLOCKS FROM TOWN LAKE!  Shameful.  Cooper, however, has no problem bolting through the door and sprinting to the lake.  Don't mind the cars zooming past or anything, animal.  He's a special dog.

Know what I most want to spend my money on?  A trip to visit one of my best friends who is 11 weeks preggers and is so alone and going through probably one of the hardest times of her life.  It sucks so so so so bad that I can't be there for her.  I make enough money to get by, sometimes pay all of my bills and not save anything.  Recently I took on another job working at UT games but that gig sucked so hard, and my babysitting jobs are few and far between these days.  I just hope she knows that I wish I could magically make a plane ticket appear and we could have a fun weekend like we have in the past.  I miss her so much it hurts.

3.  Make my bills disappear:  I just really need them gone.  They're hindering my day to day social life and that is just not ok.  If anyone has Fiddy-thou laying around that they don't need, I would be more than happy to take it off your hands.

4.  Cut out crappy friends: You know who are you and if you suck at being a friend then I'll suck right back!  Granted, I've been known to be somewhat aloof when I'm off in my own world doing things like thinking about my goals for the rest of 2010, but still, don't act like an asshat towards me and think everything's totes cool, because it's not.  Admit you treated me suckily, and maybe I'll forgive you.  I'll probably forgive you.  I'm better at being friends than acquaintances or enemies.

5.  Delete all the pictures of trannies from my phone from the drag show last Friday: Happy Birthday E-baby!

6.  Be a better friend/Not be selfish: I think this is more of a life goal but baby steps, people!

Annoyances:  The woman in the HEB parking lot

I think we all know my feelings on the men in blue (and I don't mean the navy) and it's that they're detestable creatures who can suck it and save the world in someone else's neighborhood.  They're generally there at the indignation of those around them, and if you could please lead to an example of where they really, truly helped a situation I probably will still think they're ignorant asses who need to get a life, just like the woman in the HEB parking lot!

Yesterday I had a stomach bug.  I didn't feel well at all.  In fact, I left work before noon because I felt so nauseous.  I came home, napped, woke up starving, and headed to the HEB down the street to get some Pepto and a deli sammich.  While there I grabbed a couple of other items, but knowing that my sweet, precious baby dog was in the car patiently waiting for me, I was pretty hasty.  When I came out my puppy was barking at me (because he's always barking) and so I started talking to him.

Me: "Cooper baby, why are you barking?"
Annoying woman: "Because you left him in the hot car.  Did you know that it's against the law to leave a dog in a car unattended and is a $1000 fine."
"Thanks for the information."
"Did you know that the temperature of a car increases 5 degrees every minute?"
"That's great."
"Well I took your license plate number down."
"My dog is fine."
"Do you want to call the cops?"
"Sure lady, let's call the cops."
"Ok, well blah blah blah I'm an annoying pest here to ruin your day blah blah blah..."

I don't remember exactly what she said next because she had hit "The Nerve."  Do you know what "The Nerve" is?  A very select few friends have seen it.  My parents have seen it.  My aunt and uncle have seen it.  Pretty much if you've lived with me, then you've seen it.  I blow up a la Mount Everest circa 1980 and shit goes down.

I'm pretty sure every expletive I've ever heard in my life was spewed at this woman, and she had her fair share of choice words for me.  It took everything in me not to get out of my car and react...violently.  You see, I have a serious problem with people giving me unwarranted advice.  A serious problem.  This stranger thought the best way to go about getting her M.O. known was to bother another stranger whose dog was fine.  He was parked in the shade with the windows down for less than ten minutes.  It was probably close to eight if we're going to get techinical.

If we're also going to get technical (and for anyone else who has to deal with people like this) here's the City of Austin ordinance regarding animals in cars:
3-2-6 SAFETY OF ANIMALS IN MOTOR VEHICLES AND ENCLOSED SPACES.
(A) A person may not transport an animal in a motor vehicle on a public roadway unless:
(1) the animal is safely enclosed within the vehicle; or
(2) if the animal is transported in an unenclosed vehicle, including a convertible, pick-up truck, flatbed truck, or motorcycle, the animal shall be confined in a secure and appropriately sized vented container or confined in a manner that prevents the animal from falling or jumping from the vehicle or otherwise being injured.
(B) A person may not keep an animal in a motor vehicle or other enclosed space in which the animal's health or life is endangered by high temperature, low temperature, or inadequate ventilation.
      (1) A peace officer or animal control officer may, after attempting to locate the animal's owner, remove the animal from a vehicle or enclosed space using any reasonable means, including breaking a window or lock. If professional services are required to remove the animal, the owner is responsible for the cost.
      (2) A peace officer or animal control officer who removes an animal from a vehicle or enclosed space in accordance with this subsection is not liable for any resulting property damage.

So now you know and hopefully you'll be able to spit this one out at your next encounter with a do-gooder from Hell.

PS: Check out the photo blog I'm a part of!   Envisage 365

Fall 2010 New Movies

I've seen trailers for the following movies 

Will see by myself if I have to:
Oct 1- The Social Network
Oct 22- Paranormal Activity 2
Nov 5- Megamind (It has Will Ferrell and I’m obsessed.)

Due Date (Zach Galifianikis and Rober Downey Jr.  Directed by the guy who did The Hangover)

Dec 1- Black Swan
Dec 3- I Love You Phillip Morris

Really want to see:
Catfish
Sept 10- Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D
Sept 17- Easy A (It has Emma Stone.  And Adam Brody.  And Amanda Bynes.)

Devil (M. Night Shyamalan baby!)

Sept 24- Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Oct 8- My Soul to Take
Oct 15- Red (It has Morgan Freeman AND Bruce Willis AND Helen Mirren!)
Morning Glory
Dec 10- The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Dec 17- Tron: Legacy

Sort of want to see:
Sept 17- The Town
Oct 1- Let Me In (creepy vampire kids...)
Nov 24- Red Dawn
Dec 17- Yogi Bear
Dec 22- Little Fockers
    Gulliver’s Travels

Today's issue from a pissed off feminist

I read an article today about a news reporter that is being lashed at by the media and her peers for warranting the catcalls of NY Jets players because of her dress, and it pissed me off so much that women are continually forced to mold themselves to fit in a particular place in society rather than be accepted no matter what their size, dress or general attractiveness.  Sure, even men get ahead in life because of their good looks, but if a woman wants to be at the top of her game in the business world, she needs to wear muted colors and clothing that does not show off the parts of her body that contribute to her womanhood--her breasts and hips.  This is grossly unfair. 

The restrictions society continually imposes on women fucking piss me off.  For women like me, my small breasts never have and never will get in my way.  I can wear whatever low cut shirt I choose and not be questioned, but for a well-endowed woman or a woman with a curvaceous figure she must hide her body or be ridiculed for being slutty or worse, for asking for that sort of attention.  I get that men have a hard time looking away from cleavage.  Hell, they've been obsessed with boobs since leaving the womb, but it is completely inappropriate and unacceptable to ridicule a woman because of her looks and how she dresses, especially in a field that requires a woman to be exceptionally attractive. 

Have you seen an unattractive woman reporting from the field lately?  No.  People want to see pretty people when they watch TV, and when these women are then required to conduct post-game interviews in an all male locker room, that gives no one license to act inappropriately towards them.  She has the decency not to stare and ogle the athletes' naked bodies, and they should in turn give her the same respect.  She is fully clothed and talking about sports, not tits and ass. 

Men, get your shit together and respect the woman for who she is.  Think about if it were your sister or mother or even your future daughter being made into an object of desire and nothing more when all she is looking for is success in her field and is going about the necessary steps to do so.  Sexual harassment is immature.  Grow up.