Friday, August 20, 2010

My night in pictures

I'm super busy at work today so these pictures from last night will have to suffice:

Artsy elevator pic...on our way to 6th!
Hey, wait a minute....
I like the lighting in this
Jonny Gray taking the stage while the scheduled performer takes a break.  Jonny was better.
The bathroom at Coyote Ugly.  Great...now you know I went to Coyote Ugly.
Precious Doctor Whiskers greeting me before I left for work

Have an AMAZING weekend!!  I'll be helping out at a Community Leadership Project, crashing a snazzy Fashion Week soiree, riding my bike, writing, and hanging with my pup! 

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Tainted Childhood

I went about my usual routine getting ready for work--

6:00 am: alarm goes off
6:01 am: turn off alarm
6:01 am: Cooper starts barking
6:37 am: Cooper goes back to sleep
7:15 am: second alarm goes off
7:15 am: hit "snooze"
7:15 am: Cooper starts barking
7:24 am: hit "snooze"
7:33 am: turn off alarm and get up because Cooper won't stop barking
7:35 am: walk the dog
7:45 am: feed the dog
7:46 am: take a shower
7:55 am: do my hair & makeup
8:05 am: find something to wear
8:10 am: when I should be walking out the door
8:17 am: walk out the door and see this face
8:18 am: speed to work (hopefully with no traffic or I'll be late)

My routine really can't be messed with because there isn't much leeway for screwing around.  I don't eat breakfast at home because it's more time efficient to eat it at the office.  The only thing that sucks about that is if there is a morning meeting, then I don't get to eat until 10:00 am or so.  Then I get upset.  One of the hazards of being me is that when I don't eat I get grumpy and sad at the same time, and if I'm just dying of hunger there's a chance I'll start crying.  I'm not normal.

As I was getting ready this morning a song from my childhood came on: "The Banana Song" by The Cranberries.  It is the best song EVERRRRR and it's oh so much fun to dance to and yell "BANANA BANANA" over and over again at the chorus!!!  Oh, you haven't heard of that song?  That's because most people know it as "Salvation," but my parents were cruel and didn't correct sweet, innocent baby me when "The Banana Song" came on.  I would just sing sing sing to my little heart's desire a song ABOUT HEROIN.  It was constantly on repeat during our many roadtrips.  The song ABOUT HEROIN!!!  No wonder I am who I am.   I wasn't like normal kids rocking out to Hanson or 98 Degrees (yes I was), but was rocking out to a song where the singer melodically, beautifully sings about HEROIN!  Thanks parents for allowing me to become so obsessed and in love with a song about bananas (my favorite fruit, and I'm pretty sure this song was the reason for ever even choosing a favorite fruit, because really, who has a favorite fruit besides the kid who sings about heroin?).

PS: This is a perfect explanation of how freakin delicious the Beer Brat from Man Bites Dog at the South Austin Trailer Park & Eatery.

PPS: When I told my mom what the lyrics were to this song she told me that it was okay because it was about not doing heroin.  Good call, mother.  Good call.  Parenting in the 90s at its finest.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Nicole and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Date


Men beware.  Like the illustrious Taylor Swift once said: “If guys don’t want me to write songs about them, they shouldn’t do bad things!" and the same goes for my bloggy blog (as I affectionately call it).  I don't mean it as a threat, but there's really no reason to be a complete and total asshat and think you can get away with it.

My plan is to list out my worst dating experiences (no names because I'm nice-ish) and then I will elaborate as time goes on about each one.  I also know that this list isn't nearly long enough because my memory stinks, so as I recall more and more idiotic things guys have done I will add them. 

 Nobody knows the stupidity I've seen, but they're about to:
  • Boyfriend who wouldn't let me attend fraternity mixers (or really any party) my freshman year
  • Boyfriend who ignored my phone calls and texts for over a week before finally coming out and saying he wanted to break up. 
  • Boyfriend who paid for two dates (birthday and Valentine's) total in our entire year-long relationship
  • Boyfriend who had a relationship on the side while he was away at school
  • Guy who would only allow me to come over if his roommates weren't there (I figured that one out quick)
  • Guy who didn't remember me at a party a year after we had dated
  • Guy who got so drunk on our date I feared for my life on the drive home
  • Guy who drove way too fast on a dirt road and popped a tire...on our second date.  In 100 degree weather.  In the middle of nowhere.
  • Guy who told me he wanted to be with me and to leave my boyfriend, and then left me after I did.
  • Guy (who I had been dating) who drunkenly entered my apartment after my roommate had left the door unlocked at three in the morning. 
  • The "hot and cold" guy (There's a lot of these so it's just a type.  He wants to hang out constantly for a couple days and then a week goes by with no contact.  Then it's another couple of days of consistency, then nothing.  He may ignore calls and texts too, but all of a sudden the tables turn and for a couple of days your phone is blowing up.  Then it's silent again.  Games suck, dude.  You either want me or you don't.)
  • Guy who was in love with me after one night.  Seriously.  He talked about "love languages."  No sir, no way.
  • Guy who was in love with me and wanted to "do anything to make us work" after meeting in online dating and talking for a couple of days.  He was blocked.
  • Guy who was so terrified of germs he made me use hand sanitizer after washing my hands in the bathroom before dinner.  Then when the menu touched his fork he asked if he could have mine.  He was also obsessed with the number 11.
  • Guy who had the audacity to show me a picture of his wife and children while out and about downtown and openly flirting with me.
  • And speaking of infidelity: guy who showed me the condo that he had purchased...with his fiance!
  • Guy who told me to meet him at the beach for the weekend with my friends, and then never showed up because he was too wasted to make it

I know there are many more that my little head just can't remember right now.  Please feel free to share your own terrible dating experience!  I wonder if guys have similar lists because I know for sure I'm not a saint when it comes to dating.  I'm definitely guilty of avoiding a guy's calls and texts because I didn't like him but didn't know how to tell him.  I feel bad about it, but maybe that all boils down to the whole "I'm awkward and don't know how to read people's feelings" factor."

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Great job Glamour! This is a good list!

Glamour Magazine created this list of 23 things single women wish they could tell men.  I agree with most of it!
 
1. Every woman could use one compliment a day.
2. We'd rather you didn't say, "I'll call you" if you really mean "goodbye." Just don't say anything — we won't think you're a jerk as we part ways for the night. And you know the saying that goes, "It's better to under-promise and over-deliver"? How about, just don't promise anything and don't deliver anything.
3. Most of us are not crazy or psycho. We can be emotional and hormonal.
4. If we catch you glancing at our chest when you're a foot away, we'll think you're rude and have no willpower. You can look, but from a distance.
5. Even the most confident among us can act needy and insecure at times. It happens when you start pulling away and we're not aware that that's what you're doing, only that you're acting funny. But oh, you should see how cool and independent most of us are when we're not dating someone.
6. Feminine hygiene commercials are silly, but don't complain about having to watch them. Try having to use them — for several days each month, I mean — for most of your life. When you complain, it makes you look insensitive. And weak. We have no sympathy.
7. Please don't yell when you think we're driving poorly, especially if we're from the west coast and we've never seen a rotary before. Just give us advice, help, or moral support. (P.S. If you stomp your foot on the ground because you think we should brake, well, it's just funny. We will brake if/when we need to.)
8. If you text, "Hows ur week goin?" we can either reply "good" and risk sounding curt (see #16) or we can send you a 400-word document. Don't put us in this position. Just don't text open-ended questions.
9. Texting a girl twice a week does not count as staying in contact. It's meaningless and a waste of everyone's time. Let her go.
10. Booty texts: weak.
11. If you're a mama's boy and you're looking for a wife, think about it: what woman wants to be #2? Consider setting boundaries and work on establishing some independence. You and your mom can have a loving relationship without being co-dependent.
12. After you do something bad, it would be so much better if you called us right away to apologize. You think it's best to wait a few days while we cool off, but what's cooling off is our feelings for you. Man up. The sooner the better.
13. The reason we're up in your grill about what time you're coming over, and the reason we're so good at communicating our own whereabouts, is that since the beginning of time our parents were making us report back to them about where we were and when we'd be home. Most of the girls I knew, including my sister and I, didn't have the freedom the boys in our neighborhood had. Then in college, out of habit, we always told our roommates when we would be home (especially if we went to school in a bad neighborhood), and they did the same.
So that's why we're like that. We've been under tight surveillance since birth and it took a lot of work just to be allowed (FINALLY) to ride our bikes un-chaperoned to the movie theater. Now we're trained. If you don't like that we're this way, take it up with our parents.
14. High heels really hurt.
15. Teasing won't bait us. Attempting to wear us down is annoying.
16. 5-word emails seem cranky. Efficient, yes. Loving, no. Greet. Ask questions. Elaborate where possible.
17. If we say we're babysitting for a friend, we did not say we want to have a baby now and that we want you to be the dad. "I'm babysitting" simply means, "I'm busy being a good friend." You are paranoid and it's embarrassing.
18. Stop talking about marrying us until you actually give one of us a ring.
19. Please be aware of how serious and in love you sound. Just say, "I like you," not, "Let's fly to Miami next month." (I thought guys were supposed to be direct.) Sure, it sounds cooler (and less vulnerable) to talk a big game about Miami, but come next month, you won't remember saying anything about Miami.
20. If a girl has pretty eyes, she has probably heard men tell her that five thousand times. It's fine to repeat the compliment, but you'll make a much bigger impression if you find something else to compliment.
21. As far as having children goes, you have the luxury of time. Appreciate it.
22. Taking us for granted is probably the worst thing you could do after cheating and lying. Since women are very good at appreciating each other, your behavior looks kinda selfish to us.
23. The word is "cherish." Do you cherish her?

Confused.


When people ask about my love life, and they do (and I don't know why because I hate it), my answer depends on the person asking.  My grandma likes to ask me this question because I think she's terrified that no one from our family will ever produce offspring and therefore our family won't continue to be.  Luckily for her there's this little thing I like to call "Oops" or "Oh, look!  Two lines..." and between my dozen or so cousins and I (though obviously not together.  We originally hail from Arkansas, but we are all college educated and not Arkansans) one is bound to happen [This blog post feels really awkward.]

So anyway if my grandma asks I usually say something like "Oh I'm not seeing anyone special," unless of course, I am and then my response is, "_____ is my wonderful boyfriend and we're so happy together!"  She then asks is he's "The One" and I have to help her to realize that although she had had five bouncing babies by the time she was 23, I don't plan on marriage for a long time.

The family friend asking about my love life is given a much more realistic answer.  I can talk to the family friend pretty openly since generally I've known them since I was a child, and now we drink together.  It just makes sense.  It's like a parent without the parenting...so just fun and they give me money for birthdays and graduations.  But to them I honestly say, "It's crazy.  It's out of control.  I have no clue.  Do you want another drink?  I sure do! [cue quick exit to the bar]"


My love life is crazy and I think I've narrowed it down to the exact reason why: I am so bad at figuring out what others are feeling by their facial expressions, body language, language in general, texting behaviors--pretty much every form of communication out there.  Obviously this translates into me being extremely awkward (which I am) and doing really stupid things (like texting that guy 5 times after he ignored the first 5 texts).  I generally run my texts and or phone call conversations by a friend or two to make sure I'm not being  a fumbling idiot, but sometimes I'm impatient and I want to know now.  Then I look stupid.  It's a vicious cycle-- Text dude --> No Answer --> Consult Friend --> She says DO NOT TEXT until he does --> I text anyway --> No answer.  This is the same with phone calls.  God, help me.  Someone, help me!

Oh!  And this amazing blog that I've been obsessed with for quite some time now has a section that's like "Dear Abby" except it's answered by an awesome lesbian named Amy.  Her recent advice had this little doozy on it that sent my head spinning: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, guys don’t play hard to get.

I don't even know why I didn't think of that before!  My next move in my so called "crazy" love life is to take no action.  If guys seriously don't play hard to get, then if they are interested they'll call me or text me or jump my bones.  Whatevs.  I'm done with dudes.  At least with the whole texting/calling thing.  Oh, and I'm still really confused.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Look at what I bought!

On Friday I came home to two packages, one from my grandma and one from my aunt.  My grandma always send the most awesome things and this was no exception.  She sent me an SPCA tote bag with a kitten and yellow lab puppy on it surrounded by flowers, a tshirt with a dalmatian puppy holding an American flag in its mouth, and a dream catcher.  Thank you Grandma!  My aunt sent me money--woo hoo!

After a ridiculously fun Saturday night with my wonderful friends, Andrea and I went to get some crepes from Flip Happy.  First we went to the one near South Lamar.  Closed.  Then we went to the one on South Congress, but not before passing a Moroccan Burger stand.  After looking at our crepe options Andrea tells me she's getting a burger.  A burger?  Yeah, one of those Moroccan burgers.  Ok, I'm down.  A-freakin-mazing!  I highly recommend you go try it out!  Abdou, the chef and owner, was a gem to meet, too!  The Flying Carpet--you won't regret it. 

Once we were stuffed Andrea and I set out to find out Halloween costumes (which will be a surprise until then) and first went to Lucy's In Disguise.  It's closed on Sunday, fyi.  Then we went to this total crapshow-have to dig through everything-thrift store on Stassney and South First.  I found this completely awesome wooden sculpture that looks like it could be an African Fertility God.
Of course I snatched that sucker up and it now sits next to my deer skull on my dresser.  A bag-O-baskets and a sweet Chanel look-a-like purse rounded out the purchases and we went on our merry way to the next store--Savers!  Savers is perfect for all of your costume needs.  Seriously, this store has never failed me when I'm in search of The Perfect Item to complete my look.  Golf Pros and Tennis Hos- they gotcha covered.  80s- like, duh!  And if you're in the mood for an actual, normal, every day outfit they've got that too.  I bought two precious tank tops and two more purses.  One looks like a Dooney & Burke and the other has the Chanel vibe.

So it was a weekend of Stuff.  Those are pretty few and far between nowadays, but I'm so grateful when they happen.  I hope your weekend was just as fun-filled and fabulous as mine!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Oprah.com is the BOMB.COM!


I feel like a middle aged woman when I admit that I am obsessed with Oprah.com.  I don't watch the show, although I have in the past, and I have only read the magazine in the waiting room at doctors' offices, but holy crap this woman has a FANTASTIC website!  The articles are so interesting and hit every topic imaginable from relationships to spirituality to health to food to entertainment...you name it!

The most recent article I read was about gay men (and Melissa Ethridge) and their thoughts and experiences on being gay.  It stemmed from Robert Trachtenberg's book When I Knew and the answers are so interesting and heartfelt.  I especially liked what Melissa said about coming out to her parents and their supportive reaction: That's all that a kid needs to hear from their parents is, 'Hey, as long as you're happy, we support you.'"  Isn't that all any kid needs--gay or straight?  I hope that when I'm a parent I am supportive of my kids no matter what stupid, crazy, idiotic, lovable, creative, genius, unimaginable thing they do.  Don't worry my friends; kids are a long way off for me.  :) 

This weekend I'm getting my hair done!  It's an absolute wreck because I thought it would be a great idea to dye it from a box.  (Side note: That's not a great idea.  Don't do it.)  So off to the salon it is for me and my orange hair.  I decided to include a picture so that when my hair (hopefully) looks fabulous there can be a great before/after effect.

Have an amazing weekend!  Do something new!