Moving on

I'm feeling a lot better and I'm in a much better place since Tuesday night.  It still hurts to know that our relationship is over, and I know that most of that hurt is from the abrupt ending and lack of closure, but I'm trying my best to move on and stay positive.  I'm pretty good at seeing the positives in a situation, and I do, but that doesn't make the hurting just stop.

My friends have been doing an amazing job of making me feel loved and taking my mind off the situation.  And they're there to hash everything out and go over the details when I want to and give me the reassurance that I need right now.  I'm feeling vulnerable.  They're helping me pick up the pieces.

But I know that you can't make a person love you and I have to keep telling myself that.  The crying has mostly stopped.  The pain is still there and sometimes it really does feel like there's a part of me missing.  This was the first relationship that I was in that I fell hard and fast and I couldn't help but put his happiness above mine.  I thought he was perfect for me.  I've never felt so committed to anyone as I was with him.  He made me happy just being around him.  And I miss him. 

I've had this thought in the back of my head that maybe we'll get back together, but we could never do that.  His actions, the way that he ended it with a lack of emotion or care for me, make me realize a major character flaw.  I still think he's a wonderful person, but I could never trust him with my heart again.  And that really makes me sad.

This weekend will be really good for me.  Tonight I'm going out with friends to dance and drink.  A lot.  Tomorrow I'll wake up late and maybe go shopping before heading to yoga with some friends.  Kacie, one of my closest girlfriends, has her birthday party tomorrow night at a restaurant that is probably amazing.  She throws some of the best parties and is so thoughtful to the people invited, atmosphere, and of course, food.  I'm looking forward to it.  Sunday will be a run in the morning and then yoga with Jill.  She's incredible and I'm so looking forward to zenning out with her.  I need to keep myself busy to move on, and I'm doing just that.

Single.

After sleeping on it for a night, I'm feeling slightly better this morning.  But only slightly. 

I'm so angry at this point.  I'm still really sad that our relationship is over, and I feel really dumb that I was so blindsided by the end, but I'm angry because I feel like I had no say.  It was just over.  There was no talking about it {because it was via text, which is just a really shitty way to have any serious conversation.}

I'm trying to see all the positives in my life, and I know they are plenty.

• My friends who immediately offered to come to my house at midnight to cheer me up last night.
• My dog who snored by my side all night long.
• The Dallas Running Club that I just joined.  Endorphins! 
• The weight I'm going to lose because I have absolutely no appetite.  Although I will need to force feed myself if I'm runnning...
• The money I'm going to get back from returning his Valentine's Day present.
• The extra time I will have to focus on studying for and taking the GMAT.  Finally.
• The cute guys I can flirt with when I go out. 
• My awesome coworkers who comfort me at work when I'm a crying mess.  I really do wish I weren't so emotional.
• My friends' husbands/boyfriends that send me nice messages to cheer me up.  I'm so thankful to know that there are mature, stand-up guys out there.
• Can I say my dog again?  I just really love my boy.
• My mom and stepdad who are so supportive of everything I do, even when I fail miserably. {cough:: half-marathon:: cough}

So I know I will get through this crappy time, but I also know it will take time.  This isn't my first break up.  Unfortunately, I've felt heartbreak before.  In the meantime I'll keep myself busy by surrounding myself with friends and focusing on what makes me happy.  I am so thankful for the time that we did have together, because he is a really good guy even though his actions this past day might not reflect that.  I just don't think I can see him for a while.

So I just got broken up with over text message.

I'm so mad and so hurt right now. I want to curse him for making feel this way OVER A TEXT MESSAGE(!!) but my feelings for him aren't just over and gone because he broke up with me.  This sucks so bad!  I can't believe that a day ago he was telling me he loved me and today it isn't working. Wouldn't it have not been working last night too?  Why couldn't he have waited to tell me face to face? I feel like I deserve that much.  

How could I have been so delusional to think that he was in love with me? Did he ever love me or just until he got tired of me? That fucking asshole made me fall in love with him and then he broke my heart! I feel like I should have paid more attention to the signs when he was seeming distant. I tried giving him space and then when that didn't seem to help I talked to him about it...and a week later we're over. I should have been preparing myself for the worst instead of hoping for the best. 

I feel like my confidence is gone. God this really sucks so bad. I feel so alone right now. I fell really fast for Rich and our relationship is ending almost as abruptly. 

Saw it. Pinned it. Did it. - Hair Bow

Linking up with Steph and Katie again today!

I pinned this bad boy a while back, but thought it would be fun to wear today to work.  I have a Minnie Mouse sorta look going on, but I still think it's cute.

Source: blog.poetrycollection.co.za via Nicole on Pinterest

I think I have more layers than the girl in the original pin, so I also wrapped the extra pieces around the bun.  It took me less than five minutes to do this style this morning.

 

 

I still can't figure out how to add their button to my blog so if you can help, please let me know!

 

 

13.1 on 1.13

I ran my first half marathon this past Sunday, and I'm so glad I did!  One of my life goals is to run a marathon so I'm slowly getting my mileage up there.

Everyone asked if I was nervous before the race, and I really wasn't.  I didn't train for the month before the race (bad move) but I knew I would finish because I'm incredibly stubborn.  It's a gift.  What can I say?

The furthest I had run prior to the race was seven miles, and that was torturous.  I did more of a run/walk and by the end of it my thighs had chaffed and I was worn out.  So 13.1 miles should be fine!  Right...

The night before our race, Andrea and I loaded up on carbs thanks to the incredible Chef Ron and my dear friend, Julie.  Andrea picked me up at five in the morning, and we headed to the start line with her friend, Kim.  It was right at 30 degrees outside with 5-25 mph winds.  Pretty dang cold!

Before the race-- I had no idea what I had gotten myself into...

We all ran together for the first seven miles, and I surprised myself by feeling perfectly fine, even enjoying the run!  And then my knees started aching.  It was so painful so I did a walk/run until mile 10 where my body quit on me.  It took everything in me to get through those last three miles.  I was also really cold after I had to stop running and my hands were freezing!  I was in so much pain in every part of my lower body-- my hips joints, my knees, my ankles, my arches, my toes-- it all hurt.  But I refused to give up and have a friend or the EMS folks zip me to the finish.  No, I was going to finish this beast if it killed me. 

You can see the pain in my face.

 (Sorry for the proof mark. I am NOT buying these terrible photos.)

 

It about did.  I limped through the finish line. 

Finisher!

Then I grabbed a cookie from Tiff's Treats and a banana, and sat down until Andrea picked me up.  Walking was painful for the next two days, but it's Day Three of my recovery and I'm feeling great!  I can walk without a limp and the only thing that's hurting are my thighs whenever I sit or stand.  Other than that I think I'm ready for this weekend's run! 

Andrea and I have another half marathon in one month so I have to keep training.  Though I'm pretty sure I can finish this one with a better time than Sunday's race...

Days 4 and 5 - NYC

After a night of fun, we slept in and woke up to get bagels and coffee.  It was very strange to walk around New York on New Year's Day--the city was dead.  There weren't hoards of people walking on the sidewalks or driving around.  It felt like we had the whole city to ourselves!

We stopped in to Brooklyn's Bagels for a full breakfast {and lunch}.  I had a whole wheat everything bagel with plain cream cheese, lox, tomato, onions, and capers.  It was humongous {so was Rich's bagel} so we ended up eating them for our lunch.

After getting some breakfast, we wandered the city.  We decided to walk through Central Park, and I guess this is where everyone we didn't see walking the streets had gone to.  There were tourists taking pictures and lots of people exercising.  Oh, and tons of people walking their dogs who were all the cutest!  I wanted to pet every single puppy but I don't think Rich would have been very amused.  {My puppy is sitting next to me helping me blog right this second!}

As we were wandering, we looked to our right and noticed The Guggenheim.  Our original plan was to go to The Met, but that was closed so we decided to warm up and admire the art and architecture {mostly the architecture} of this gorgeous museum.  This shot is looking up from the lobby of the museum.

Here we're trying to get the cool spiral ceiling behind us.  Fail. 

The next day we went to the Chelsea Market to check out all of the cool shops.  There was this meat shop.  Mmmmmm meat. :)  There was also an Italian grocery store with meats and cheeses and chocolates and LOTS of espresso.  I had some split pea soup from the soup shop.

The whole place was decorated with really fun art displays and there was a guy who was amazing on cello.  I really liked this column that was covered in Christmas lights.

After checking out the Chelsea Market, we had to run into CVS and OHHHH MYYYY GOSHHH do you see this ceiling?!  It's the prettiest CVS I've ever seen.  I think it used to be an old bank.

Then we went to Rich's friend's office to visit and this is their view.  It's looking North over Chinatown.  What a view!

And then I turned into a tourist.  NYFD Fire Truck!

Here's a look at all the cheap chotchkies for sale in China Town.  

We were heading to Ferrara's for some canoli and coffee.

This is Little Italy.  All of the fire hydrants are painted like the Italian Flag (red, green, and white) and they still had their Christmas decorations covering their businesses.  I loved it!

After getting some delicious sweets in Little Italy, we headed to see Ground Zero and the memorial, except you can only see it with advance passes.  Wamp wamp.  We didn't know that so instead we walked around.  I had no idea how huge this area was.  It's 16 acres, which is HUGE in NYC terms.

This building is The Freedom Tower, and when they put the spire on, it will be 1776 ft tall.

View from another side.

We were freezing after walking around so we stopped in at O'Hara's, except it wasn't.  It was an Indian restaurant with this cool ceiling, so we had a few drinks and warmed up before heading back to the hotel.  The food smelled delicious but we had plans to go to Butter that night.

After dinner at Butter (we love our Iron Chefs!), Rich took me to Washington Square.  The park is really pretty at night.  Can you see the Empire State Building behind the arch?

Couple shot with the arch!

And another shot of the arch.  We need some of these in Dallas.

That night we went to McSorley's Old Ale House to meet up with one of Rich's friends.  That place is so cool!  It's the oldest pub in New York and Abraham Lincoln used to get a drink there.  They even have an original John Wilkes Booth Wanted poster.  We met some nice NYU kids and had such a fun night!  Probably a little too fun...haha!

Saw it. Pinned it. Did it.

Today I'm taking a break from my trip recap to join Stephanie from A Beautiful Mess with her link up -- Saw it. Pinned it. Did it. 

I freakin' love Pinterest, though my obsession comes in spurts.  Right now I'm all over Buzzfeed.  It's addicting and hilarious and informative and just great.  Go read it!

Anyway, I've been wanting to link up with these girls (Katie from Keep Calm co-hosts) for a few weeks and remembered that I have photo evidence of a SIPIDI (saw it, pinned it, did it, ya dig?)!

I actually saw this somewhere else in the interwebs (Buzzfeed maybe?) but it's all over Pinterest in a variety of ways (why oh why didn't I paint with sparkles?!?).

The Pin:

Source: buzzfeed.com via Nicole on Pinterest

All you need are:
1. Keys that look exactly the same but are not, in fact, the same.
2. Nail polish.
3. Something to stick the keys into (I used a potted plant and stuck them in the soil).

What you do:
Paint the top portion of each key with a different color nail polish.  I used two coats on each key, letting them dry in between coats.  Let them fully dry and put them back on the key ring.

Ta Da!

 

And I use 'em every day!

 

Click here for the other links because I'm to slow to understand how putting a button on my blog works...lame.