September 11th to me

 "These acts shattered steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve." -President George W. Bush

It was a couple weeks into my freshman year of high school and the day started like any other day.  Wake up.  Get ready.  Eat breakfast.  My mom drove me to school and I met up with some friends in the courtyard to chit chat before classes. 

My first class of the day was Pre-Calculus with one of my favorite teachers.  I remember there being a buzz about the school about a plane hitting a building in New York, but I had heard this had happened at the Empire State Building so I didn't think it was a big deal.  We put the TV on until the bell rang to watch what was going on and learned that the United States were under a terrorist attack.  While we all would have rather watched the historical event happening before out eyes, our teacher made us turn off the TV.  There might have been a quiz or something, but I didn't think too much of it.  The rest of class went on like normal and then the bell rang for us to go to our second period.

The second class of the day was Starlettes, the junior varsity dance team I was on with a bunch of my friends.  As I walked to the dance gym there was more tension in the air and people were talking about what had happened.  Buildings had fallen while I was in Pre-Cal and I found out the Pentagon had been hit as well as another plane crash in Pennsylvania.  I was so scared.  I was distraught.  One of my best friend's dad was in NYC at the time, but she eventually found out that he was in a subway tunnel and wasn't in imminent danger. 

I'm not sure why I was so upset.  I know I was scared because Austin is the capital and the president's former home while he was governor, and perhaps I thought there would be a terrorist attack here.  I've always been an emotional person so I was feeling sympathetic to those who had lost a loved one.  There was such an enormous loss of life.  I don't think the teachers even knew how to deal with the situation.  School wasn't closed and we finished out the day, just to return the next day.  Everyone was very somber, very serious. 

There was a common patriotic thread that had connected everyone that day, and it could be felt around the country.  Have you ever seen so many American flags so proudly displayed everywhere you went?  Even today we as a country are more patriotic than we had been before.

Reflecting back on September 11, 2001, I am so saddened by the lives lost at the hands of extremists, and I hope that as we approach the anniversary Americans can set aside their differences and once again remember the strength of our country as a whole. 

"United we stand, divided we fall." -Aesop

Timeline of Events

Tonight's gonna be a good night!

I am so pumped for tonight, even if I did only get two hours of sleep last night.  (It was $1 champagne night so who was I to say no to cheap alcohol?  Beeteedub, thanks for the drinks C!  =D )  Tonight I have some friends coming over to enjoy some BBQ and hang out by the pool.  The ribs have been cooking since 8:00 am this morning and I'm making spicy Mexican corn as soon as I get home.  When I went home at lunch I could smell the ribs from outside of my front door.  The meat will be falling off those babies....mmmmmmmm, my mouth is watering just thinking about it!

Enough about that since I'll post pictures and recipes tomorrow!  After the BBQ we're going downtown.  To The Dirty 6th.  I don't care that I'm way older than all of the underage kiddos down there, those drinks are CHEAP!  And it's my Friday today--WOO HOO 4 day weekend!  I really want to float the river this weekend (RIBER RIBER RIBER!!) so hopefully that happens.  Other than that I have no plans other than playing with my pup and hanging by the pool. Oh, and calling my dear ol' Grams and getting bombarded by questions about my spirituality and love life.  So that'll be fun...

One more hour of work and I'll be racing to the grocery store, picking up some cheap beer and last minute ingredients, and cooking up a storm before everyone gets to my place.  I need to shave my legs too!  Totally forgot about that.  This 16 oz Sugar Free Red Bull better get me through the night!  I may just have to pick some more up at the grocery store.  WOOOO WEEKEND!!!

Envisage 365

Today is the first of 365 posts I'll be contributing to the Envisage 365 Blog.

http://envisage2010.blogspot.com/

Check it out!  I'm "Nicole Two" if you want to see my posts or you could see what's going on in the other women's lives.

Thanks for reading :)

My biggest fear

I emailed my grandma to make a phone date for this weekend and her response was telling.  It was about three sentences long.  She agreed on the time, asked if I was going to church, and asked if Cooper and I had a boyfriend.  Not just me.  Cooper, too.  Like I said...telling.

No Grandma, I'm not going to church.  I'm currently at odds with Christianity.  Sure, Jesus is my homeboy, but I am really, really struggling with how the church handles certain issues and I don't like hypocrites.  So there's that. 

No Grandma, Cooper and I don't have a boyfriend.  Why does this EFFING question keep coming up?  It's seriously freaking me out.  Is my biological clock ticking?  Am I the only one who doesn't hear it? 

Which brings me to my biggest fear...growing old alone.  The thing is I know I'm only 23 years old.  That's not old.  It's like my fear of dying a virgin when I was in high school (yes, that was a legitimate fear of mine--but what if I had died of leukemia or meningitis or any other disease teenagers seems to get).  I think it's because throughout the day I think of all the things that can go wrong, like a building falling over, or a bridge collapsing, or my apartment burning down, or getting mugged in my parking lot...the list goes on.  Maybe my real fear is of death?

Anyway, I have this life plan in my head.  It's a very rough draft, as a life plan should be, and I can fill in and take out goals as I go along.  It includes "The Big Three" -- Engagement, Marriage, Kids.  This is it roughly from now until I'm 40:
23-28 date, no kids, buy a condo, pay off student loans
28-30 get engaged, maybe kids but they're probably an accident surprise
30-35 get married, have kids, make more money than in my 20s so I can vacation lots more!, buy a big house
35-40 raise kids, don't act old, make even more money, renovate my big house

I think it's a pretty good plan.  It gives me ample time to enjoy life and enjoy myself.  It's just that I'm 23 and I don't feel like I've been on this earth for almost a quarter of a century.  College made me realize how fast time goes by.  Moving to Florida, moving back to Austin, and working at my current job made me realize it too.  Time is flying by before my very eyes.  Um, hello!  It's September!  In 2010!  Think about that.  You're freaking out now, aren't you?  Thank goodness I'm not the only one!

So while I have five to seven years until my next big milestone [side note: Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On- Club Remix" just came on.  So good!] I'm so scared I'm going to die alone with my cats eating my face.  I want kids, and I want a husband, just not right now.  Or really anytime soon.  Heck, I'm not even sure I want to be in a relationship let alone thinking about The Big Three!  There are so many people I know that are getting engaged and married and having babies, and I don't feel ready for any of that.

"You're a girl" and other realizations from this weekend

This weekend was pretty great.  I say pretty and not totally because (thanks to a certain friend) I came to the realization that I've got a little bit of crazy going on.  I think I knew that, but as I was describing my weekend over dinner last night it was like the clouds parted and the sun shone down on LoonyTown. 

I went to dinner last night with a good friend of mine to hear all about his weekend trip to Cali and to fill him in on my weekend with the guys.  His weekend seemed normal, fun, all that jazz, and when I began to describe my weekend he kept repeating one thing over and over and over again: "You're a girl."  By "you're a girl" what he was trying to say was, "You are absolutely crazy and these feelings that you're describing to me are only felt by the females in this world and I can't relate to you because you don't make any sense."  After thinking about it, it's obvious to me that I over analyze everything and beat it to death with a stick.  I'm going to stop that (at least as much as possible since I am a girl).

But before I stop that, let's analyze some thoughts that popped into my head this weekend!

• I have the best girlfriends in the world:  When I didn't want to be at a party anymore, I called a girlfriend at 3:00 in the morning to come get me.  She was there in under 15 minutes.  The next morning when everyone was still asleep and I needed to talk, I called another girlfriend and asked her to go to brunch with me.  Again, 15 minutes.  I love that they're there for me at the drop of a hat, and I hope they know that I would do the same for them.

My hot mess of a self getting picked up for brunch

•  I need to eat: When I was 17, I was anorexic and severely underweight.  I was the same height that I am now (5'8") but I hovered around 110-115 pounds and thought I was disgusting and huge.  Looking back at pictures it was apparent I had a problem.  I looked like a walking skeleton.  At this point in my life I am no where near that low weight, but sometimes I catch myself not eating and I have to physically force myself to eat whatever is on my plate.  I'm talking independently think about each action: pick up food, open mouth, put food in mouth, chew chew chew, swallow, repeat.  It's so strange because I'll feel full, like I stuffed my face 15 minutes before, but in reality it will have been hours since my last meal.  It happened a lot this weekend, and I noticed it and it scared me.  I'm constantly dieting (that's another girl thing, right?), but I try to be healthy about it and, ya know...eat! 
• Making out is fun!:  If you're a participant...
• Sugar-free Red Bull is the best drink on the planet:  Everyone complains about the taste, and possibly the jittery feeling, but I love everything about the heavenly nectar.  I actually love the taste!  It's my perfect pick-me-up beverage.  When I'm feeling the the least bit tired I drink a can and I immediately feel refreshed.  Literally immediately.  It takes only seconds.  This is probably one of those mind over matter things, but I wouldn't give up my SFRB for anything.

The big cans are better!

• Affirmations are wonderful (and not given out nearly enough): I met up with my college roommate and her current roommate (two girls who I love ridiculous amounts).  The three of us went to the pool and chit chatted for awhile.  Then we started just giving each other affirmations, which are so great!  I left that evening feel so good about myself and loving my friends even more.  
• I'm a child:  My college roommate gave me two awesome gifts: a velcro paddle ball and a ribbon dancer ribbon!  (This is going to be me someday!)  Another friend gave me Dots because no one else wanted them because they're the best candy in the world!  All of these things made me so happy.  It was like Christmas!

• I'm selfish: When asked why I love Dots so much, it wasn't because of the gooeyness of the candy when you bite into it, or the bevy of flavors, or even the brightly colored candies themselves.  I love Dots because no one else does.  Sharing isn't necessarily one of my strong points.  (I'm an only child.)  When I go to the movies and get a box of candy, I don't want to share it!  If I go to the grocery store and pick up some candy to munch on later that week, I want it to be there when I go for it!  If you choose a universally delicious candy, like chocolate covered raisins or Skittles or Junior Mints, those babies have a very short life span.  When you choose Dots, they will stay on that shelf until you're done with 'em! 

 That's what I realized this weekend.  Don't you feel like you know me just a little bit better now that you've gotten a peek inside my mind?

Including the crazy, the weekend was quite eventful!  There was

ghetto club dancing,

That is the best Tres Leches cake ever!

a birthday, late night FINA tacos,

an end to sobriety (bottomless mimosas--hold the orange juice), pool days, night swims, a shower with four people shampooing each other, multiple Red Bull runs,

new friends,

new aviators, and a restful ride home.  Thanks for driving this weekend C!

UPDATE!  I totally forgot about this song that was brought to my attention last night by my roommate and then sent to me by my college roommate.  Thanks for making this a part of my life.  Forever & Always Your "Home Home Homeboy," Nicole

I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow

This week I have not been home before midnight once, and I'm completely and utterly exhausted.  That's okay though because my week was well worth it!  I've been bowling, visited a new bar in West Campus the day before UT classes began (and felt very old--I'm almost 24!!!), and went to The Velveeta Room's Open Mic Night in hopes of seeing Dave Chappelle.  Monsieur Chappelle has been seen out and about Austin for the past week or so and it was rumored that if he were to do stand up, it would be at the Open Mic Night.  No such luck.  It wasn't a total waste because there were some very funny comedians (and some awkwardly terrible ones as well)!

This weekend I'm heading to The Big D!  I'm really excited because I'm going to see some of my besties in the whole wide world (and I can't wait to hizzity hang and do things that are only fun and funny with them and no one else because inside jokes are the best and I love them sooooo much!!!).  We have big plans to watch Titanic II on Saturday night.  It's going to be EPIC!!!  This is the movie of the year and I will be shocked if it doesn't win awards in every single category--Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Picture, Best Director, Best Costumes, Best Special Effects...you get the picture.

Tonight we're celebrating a girl's birthday.  I don't know her, but as evidenced by the past week, I obviously can't say no to a party (or social gathering of any kind).  So somehow I'm going to make it to Dallas, make it to a bar, stay awake in the bar, and then proceed to enjoy the inevitable after-party at someone's place before passing out until the late hours of Saturday morning.  My precious baby puppy-monster Cooper is staying with Grandma for the weekend, otherwise I'd have a 7 am wake up call to the tune of barking.

I hope you have an absolutely fantastic weekend full of friends and sleep!

 Next week, in addition to Loves Nicole, I will be contributing the Envisage blog-- a collaboration of women who share one picture a day.  Here's my bio!  Check it out starting on September 1st!

On a sad note, my very best and oldest friend lost her four-legged best friend today.  Rest in Peace, Hugs.  You will be missed by everyone who knew you.  Have fun in the afterlife carrying your bowl of food around and giving people sweet hugs.

Date from Hell

Do you remember my post last week about some of the worst dating experiences I've ever encountered.  Here's the full story of the "guy who got so drunk on our date I feared for my life on the drive home."

I met Tyler* while working at a tanning place my second year of college.  It was an easy job and I had a nice glow year round.  (I know tanning is bad.  I don't do it anymore.)  Tyler was a regular tanner.  He came at the same time everyday and used the stand up "bed."  My first clue that this guy royally sucked should have been the fact that he tanned at all.  Ahhhhh naïveté... 

Tyler was older than I was by about 5 years, but he seemed like a nice enough guy so when he asked me out on a date I said sure!  [Note to guys: unless a girl is taken or is utterly disgusted by you, it's unlikely she'll turn you down for a date]  From the get-go it was a disaster.

He picked me up from my sorority house and was flabbergasted by how big the house was.  Granted my sorority house is big and is really beautiful.  It's an historical home and furnished beautifully, but the way he was commenting on everything made me feel extremely uncomfortable.  Complimenting a home by saying, "your home is stunning/beautiful/lovely/"whatever nicety you use" is perfectly acceptable.  Saying, "Damn!  Your house is huge.  I gotta take a piss."...not so much. 

After Tyler took his "piss" we headed out on our date.  Being the gentleman that he obviously was, he opened my door and closed it.  He closed it because there was no door handle on the inside of the passenger door.  I could overlook that though.  Not everyone has a nice car or even a car, so door handle, schmoor handle.  Who needs it!

He let me know we were going to play pool at Slick Willies and then go to his favorite restaurant for dinner.  The restaurant was to be a surprise.  Playing pool was uneventful and even a little enjoyable.  I learned that Tyler was a vet from the war in Iraq and he was attending classes at a nearby university while also trying to make it on their baseball team.  Patriotic, scholarly, athletic...all great qualities.  So far, so good-ish.  I still wasn't over the "piss" comment.  I really detest that word.

Our next stop was his favorite restaurant, Pappasito's Cantina.  When we walked up it was obviously packed and we were told the wait was 45 minutes.  [If you recall, I'm really weird about getting hungry and will get angry/sad when I have to wait too long for food.  (I'm such a fat kid...)]  It had been a while since I had last eaten (pre-date jitters) so I was starving.  I suggested we go across the highway to Carrabba's Italian Grill and he begrudgingly complied. 

But first he needed to take another "piss."  Strangely, Tyler wasn't able (or willing) to go at the restaurant we were currently at nor could he wait until we arrived at the restaurant directly across the highway.  He wanted to go to his apartment up the road.  Sirens were going off in my head, but I was trapped not only on this date but by his car as well because of the severe lack of door handle.  We arrived at his apartment and he asked if I wanted to come in.  Apprehensively, I agreed but told myself I would would stay in the living room and not go any further.  (STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!)

Tyler's apartment smelled like cat litter.  He didn't have a cat.  It was really dirty and the 70s had thrown up all over his decor.  I waited in the entry while he went to the bathroom.  After waiting for what seemed like forever, he still hadn't emerged but called me back to his bedroom.  Reluctantly, I went but stayed in the doorway.  He was sitting on his water-bed motioning for me to come see something he had and I obliged because I didn't want to seem rude or creeped out by him.  I was very creeped out.  There was a water-bed.  He showed me some shadow box that I truly could not have cared less about.  I just wanted out of that place!  He then pulled me in to kiss me and I pulled away saying, "Alright, why don't we go to the restaurant now?"  Again, he begrudgingly complied.

At that point, I was done with the date and would have happily gone home.  That didn't happen.  We went to Carrabba's and were seated.  I looked at my menu, but Tyler was more interested in the cocktail menu.  I ordered my entree and he ordered Jäger Bombs.  Too bad for him, they didn't have Red Bull.  Not surprisingly he was fine with straight Jägermeister.  I was so embarrassed.  I ate my meal quickly so that I could get out of that situation as soon as possible.  I half expected to pay for my portion, but Tyler paid for my dinner as well as his shots.

We left the restaurant and started driving back towards campus (or so I thought).  He started to take the U-turn to head back to his apartment.  I not-so-calmly asked where we were going and he said, "We're going back to my place to watch a movie."  I quickly corrected him before he could make the turn and demanded he take me home.  Tyler seemed really angry about this, and the Jägermeister in his system probably didn't help his mood.  He began to swerve while we were on the upper deck of the highway.  I was so scared because I realized he was drunk and I was literally trapped in his car.  I started thinking about what would happen if we crashed.  What if I died?  People would think I was dating this fool!  I was so repulsed and terrified at the same time, and I had no idea what to do. 

Miraculously, I made it back to my sorority house in one piece.  Tyler tried to kiss me again.  I backed away again.  He didn't walk me to the door and thankfully, I never heard from that poor excuse for a man ever again.

*Name has been changed (even though he deserves to be shamed for his behavior)